17 Feb 2012 No Comments
Lori Strongin’s ParaNorms Dream About Being Millionaires
Today, we have a few special guests at Fictitious Musings. Lori Strongin, author of Bite Me or the Obvious Title for a Novel About a Vampire and a Werewolf, has sent the ParaNorms of New York by to tell us what they would do with a million dollars. These boys are a unique bunch and I’m eager to see what kind of answers they’ll come up with. It will definitely be interesting.
Welcome to Fictitious Musings, ParaNorms.
So what would you guys do with a million dollars?
If I Had a Million Dollars
I think the most dangerous thing anyone could do would be to give these the boys of Bite Me a million dollars. They have the emotional maturity of paper. Heck, even Gertie—the ghost of a five year old girl who lives on a hanger in Talbot’s closet—is more grown up than they are.
But for the sake of Fictitious Musings’ readers, we’re gonna let the fangs and fur fly and see what happens.
Talbot:
Oh, um, a million dollars?! Jeez, I don’t know. Buy one of those Marc Newson nickel-plated surfboards, I guess. Though, it I wiped out, it’d probably end up being the roof of someone’s dugout shelter 15 miles down the coast. So, maybe buy my own Xbox so I don’t have to wonder what the heck’s all over Brennan’s controller whenever I borrow it. And totally buy my mom a bigger house. My sisters still live at home and scoring uninterrupted bathroom time was rare. Having more land to howl at the moon without the neighbors being all in our business would be nice, too.
Julian:
After this latest bout with that so-called slayer, I would divert funds into the best ward-builders in the ParaNorm world. Then, of course, I would hire contractors to fix the damage done during the…incident, before my parents could learn of what transpired. Perhaps I’d even add a shade dome over the mansion so my clan and I can enjoy the gardens without immolating ourselves in the sunlight. It goes without saying that I’d donate sizeable sums to worthy charities, like Friends for Fangs and the Vampiric Awareness in Media Program. And, in order to prepare myself for the various charity balls and public outreach events I’d likewise be required to attend, I would need to ensure I looked the part and thus I plan to purchase the entire fall lines from Versace and Armani.
Brennan:
The Lakers. I’d buy the Lakers. And the Laker Girls.
Fletcher:
Can I buy the Kremlin? No? Well how ‘bout a liquor store so I can load up on SoCo whenever the mood strikes. Nah, that’s too bourgeoisie. My own personal zamboni machine would be kind of awesome. I’d take that thing out on the street after it snows and mow down hydrants and old cars and stuff. Oh, and a wood chipper! Hmm, I wonder what would happen if a certain vampire accidently got a little too close to the chute…
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